1,000 days sober

1,000 days ago, I set out to go sober.

For how long? I did not really know.

Why? I had really no idea.

It was a gut feeling that I was losing control and needed a change, but if you asked me to explain the reason behind the decision, I would have either made something up or stumbled over my explanation.

Going sober was never really about alcohol for me. I know that might seem odd to say due to the entire past two and a half years I have been focused on not drinking alcohol.

It was more about needing a lifestyle change and finding the belief in myself that I lost somewhere along the way.  Alcohol was the ‘big ass problem’ in front of me at the time.

There’s so much to reflect on sitting here and thinking about what has and has not happened.

In the hopes of not saying too much, I’ll try to say just enough and most likely even too little about my experience without booze. If you’re curious about anything more, let’s meet up and grab some coffee.

I wanted to share my thoughts on three topics that have been recurring thoughts for me the past 1,000 days and also some learning. 

Here they are.

One.) I am two people in one – and most of my frustration comes from the fact that they are not (and will never be) the same.

Who are you? What is your identity? 

We are both the person we know, talk to, and care about within ourselves (that ‘voice in your head’, those daydreams, that vision) and also the person who others create for us (social media posts, other’s daydreams, other’s voices)..

I have my own beliefs on who I am and who I want to be. I have my reasons for why I do the things I do and I believe those reasons to be true and right (for me). The beliefs manifest themselves in certain actions and habits that I live my life by. 

Others might see those same actions and interpret them a completely different way than what I have in my own mind. Our family, friends, strangers, social media followers, whoever, takes what we do and passes those things through their own perception and viewpoints.

People will always see us differently than we see ourselves. Others set expectations on who we are and should be based on their own expectations of themselves – causing confusion when you’re doing something good for you but it’s seen as something negative to others.

Especially with close friends and family, we can (and possibly at some points should) try to control + meet those expectations. We want to be a part of a community, so being liked and seen in a positive light is important. But the reality is who we want to be and the actions we decide to take to become that person will only fulfill our own vision of who we are. It’s the only thing we can control.

The issue with trying to meet the expectations of others is that: 

• They have an extremely limited view of your life. 
• They only see the actions you take without the understanding of why you took them.
• They care more about themselves than they do you (which is natural).
• Their expectations will always be skewed at what’s advantageous to them.
• Other’s (including myself) place their own insecurities on your actions.

So who are you?  

You can drive yourself mad, like I have, trying to control both and trying to make those two people the same. Doing what others want while also trying to balance what you want, even when they’re not the same, can lead to madness because you’re trying to control someone else’s mind. We hardly know ourselves and can hardly get ourselves to change, so how can we expect other’s to really know us and change?

For instance, going sober to me was the right thing. I had expected everyone I care and know to rally around that and be happy for me. In my head, it was clear I needed to change, 

To others, this was not always the case. Most people did do that and if you are that person, I appreciate you and love you.

Some people took it another way. They thought I wasn’t as fun, or they were uncomfortable themselves with me being sober and so they kept their distance, or thought I was going sober to become a ‘perfect person.’ All widely different than the reality I have in my own head. 

Ultimately, going sober helped me realize that the story & person I want to be is the one I want to focus on the most. And more importantly, that believing in that person is where power, peace, and prosperity originate from.

Two.) Getting what you want isn’t usually that tough, but answering the question “what do you want?” is nearly impossible – it stinks because you need the answer of that question before getting it.

The power of going sober was that I could be consistent. Instead of drifting through life aimlessly hoping for the best, I began to focus on the things I wanted to become great at. 

I applied effort, practice, and thought into a few things and saw that power in being able to accomplish goals or milestones. Not all of those goals had to do with working out or work, even though that’s what I usually put out there.

I realized that with enough time and effort, I could get what I want or something very close to it. I also noticed other’s that applied that same time and effort at something did, too.

The main issue I experience is first knowing what I want. You can’t become focused on something if you can’t identify it in the first place. 

Answering that question “what do you want?”  is extremely tough to answer. Especially in the world we live in where every opportunity, event, person, seems so close to us through social media (that’s why I’ve taken months off to find out what I really want).

We also live in a world of abundance. We’re not dying of starvation, we’re dying from indigestion (sometimes literally). There is always something better, someone better, and an opportunity that looks more perfect than the world we have now. We chase the new shiny object rather than appreciate what we have in front of us, bouncing from one thing to the next hoping for that ‘dream job’ or ‘mr/mrs perfect.’

There is nothing perfect without concerted effort and work to make it so.

By going sober I realized that there is crazy power in doing the same thing over and over again until you become great at it.

I found the power of consistency. I found the power of saying no. I found the power of identifying something specific I want and being ok with working towards obtaining it with a timeline that made me feel successful – not others. I found the power of living life on my terms based on my own beliefs. 

Also, I found that power of wanting something so much that you’re willing to give up a lot for it and experience a lot of pain and suffering along the way.

There will be incredibly difficult times, but the ultimate test of how bad you want something is how much pain & suffering you’re willing to take in pursuit of that thing and still pursue it.

Lastly, I found the power of being ok with not getting what I want because as long as I was moving forward and pursuing something, I usually gather beneficial learnings, experiences, and relationships along the way.

1,000 days in, I am nowhere near who I expected to be on day 1 of going sober. But that’s a good thing. If I knew what my life was going to look like in 1,000 days, how much fun is that?

Three.) Going sober did not stop me from falling. It helped me believe that I could stand right back up stronger than before. 

A perfect life with no problems is boring – and impossible.

Life is about learning how to fail because we all will and all have. You have to rethink your beliefs and be open to the fact that you can be (and 99% of the time are) wrong. 

I was terrified to do this before going sober. 

Now, I have found out who I am, who I want to be, and what I want (see points 1 + 2). I have never been happier than I am now because I am no longer trying to be perfect or right all the time. I’m ok with being wrong and ok with not seeming perfect (to myself). 

I fail daily. I am still stuck with the same insecurities, negativity, flaws, and self hatred that I had before going sober. I don’t feel like a new person because I got rid of what I hated or what ate at me, but now I can control my own reaction and processing of those emotions and flaws. 

I’m more comfortable with self reflection because I know deep down I can change. I used to be scared about opening up because I knew deep down that I wasn’t’ strong enough to find help and seek out new ways of living, despite how hurt I might be. I had low self esteem and low confidence.

I looked at people I admired and realized that I did not admire them because they had no flaws. I admired them because they had flaws yet still continued to overcome adversity and continued failure.

I looked at those people and I realized something. After getting completely embarrassed by putting myself out there, or after getting put on blast because I don’t know something, I had two options: 

1. Get better, rise up to the challenge, and step your shit up so that it never happens again. Stand right back up after falling down and become stronger than before with reflection & change. 
2. Back the fuck down and give up, thinking “I just can’t do this” or “I’m just not that person”

Before going sober I used booze as a way to escape to #2. 

Without booze, I forced myself to go down the path of #1. There was no more escape.

Ultimately, the most powerful part of going sober for me is the extreme belief in myself that no matter what I’m put through, whether I fail or succeed, I am going to wake up the next day and stand right back up – ready to face the challenges in front of me with a full heart and a desire to become the best person I can be, for myself. 

We idolize individuals who can speak the honest truth about the situation they are in and then overcome massive obstacles to come out the other end better off than they were before.

Let’s start believing in ourselves enough to become our own heroes.

Love you all and thank you for reading.